well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
