Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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