so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
