I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
