He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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