Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
