i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
