I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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