You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
