what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
