Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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