He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
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The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
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Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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