I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
