it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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