I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Randomize
