If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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