I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize