im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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