New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
