ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
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I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
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All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize