I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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