Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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