I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
