I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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