great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
