Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
