I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
