I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize