I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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