You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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