Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
