He told me they were just razor bumps!
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
