I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
