we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
