This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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