I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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