Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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