please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
