I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
