going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
