I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
