Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
