You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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