look no pants
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
