Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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