Your mouth is God's brothel.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
