Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
