So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
