she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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