She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
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You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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