i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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