She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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