Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I checked into jail on foursquare
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
