break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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