Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
