you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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