Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
