Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
