people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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