Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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