Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
