I could make wine with my vomit
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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