would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
