Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
