Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
