it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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