you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
