Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
