I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
