He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
